say, you fear we all live without praying to God for His Holy Spirit. I give you many thanks for all your kindness in leaving your home and coming to teach us. 66 I remain, your affectionate scholar, 66 J. T. Religion now" (Joseph writes) was all my theme, the Bible my delight day by day. The work of teaching tried me very much for two years. I went to one evening; a sermon was preached from, There is a river, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacles of the most High. God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early' (Psalm xlvi. 4, 5). The fifth verse came to my soul with much power and sweetness; it seemed that the whole of the sermon was for me. I felt that night that my sins were all put away, and that I was washed in the blood of the Lamb. As I sat, I felt I should like to die now. It came to me,' Would you not like to live to God's glory? I felt, Yes, I should: and this state of mind continued a few days. The minister well remembers this sermon, and the exercise of mind he passed through before the Lord was pleased to give him a text. At last, upon opening a little book a friend had sent from London some time before, his eye and attention were arrested by the words of the text preached from this evening, but he remembers feeling very dissatisfied with the whole sermon, and had he been asked, he would have said, after the manner of men, he did not think it could have been blessed to any one. And here again, he must note, it is not hearing the word with great power, and having words spoken with power that will produce stability of faith. The child of God must have something more than these fleeting frames and feelings (however much desired and enjoyed) to rest upon, or there will be no solid stability in the many dark paths through which the members of the living family are called to pass; and hence Joseph writes again : “I soon began to lose these enjoyments; doubts and fears possessed me. I then feared that the former was all imagination, something I had done myself; prayer became a burden, reading the word and every spiritual exercise was distasteful; nearly every Sunday night I made up my mind Í would attend no more. This continued for about nine months. Whilst in this state of mind the Lord showed me that the just shall live by faith ;' the evils and corruptions of my heart were stirred up, that I felt it impossible that I could be a child of God; but the gracious Lord opened my understanding to see that what was once done was done for ever; that if He had implanted a desire it was life, and that if He had once given me to believe on His Son, I must have everlasting life. I knew from that time that He had given me feelingly and experimentally to believe. I have been much tried since in providence and grace, and through the influence of vain philosophy I became entangled in Satan's net; my feet had well-nigh slipped, and I seemed almost gone. Satan pulled hard, but my Jesus pulled harder. I can indeed testify of the goodness of God towards His saints, and say that He is a faithful covenant-keeping God, that He never leaves nor forsakes His people, even when they feel determined to forsake Him." The nature of Joseph's temptation will perhaps be more fully understood by a letter in his own words which he wrote to a friend (after being deli vered from the conflict). Joseph told me he literally writhed under that part of the discipline to which allusion is previously made when the Lord was "weaning him from sensible comfort," and teaching him to "live by faith." He informed me, he quite determined Sunday after Sunday he would not come again, but the Lord was pleased to keep him and lead him about, and instruct him, and eventually he was brought out into a wealthy place; and in his last illness he found the blessedness of being taught to rest upon the faithful word of a covenant God when sensible comforts and manifestations were withheld. 66 August 31, 1866. "MY DEAR FRIEND,-You will think it strange I have written to you, but as there seems no opportunity to see you to have any conversation, I felt I should like to write to you, looking up to God that He would enable me to speak His truth and glorify His great name, who alone is worthy to be praised. Dear friend, since I last had any conversation with you, I have passed through some severe conflicts. I have had to wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities and powers, and wicked spirits in high places, who seemed let loose upon me, to handle me as they like. Satan indeed has pulled hard, but my Jesus has pulled harder; and I do indeed bless and praise His holy name. You are already aware of the temptation which has so long beset me. You knew my mind was very wavering, that I was doubtful as to which was right; and according to my own thoughts I came to the conclusion that those who supported the Bible and its views were wrong; therefore I felt determined to have no more to do with these things; but before taking this step I gave all a careful con sideration. I observed and saw things around me which according to reason's eye made me feel the Bible could not be right; but I did not find it easy work to get over these things. The dreadful conflict that passed in my mind I can never describe; it often seemed as though the very hosts of hell were inside me, compelling me to disbelieve God's truth. I could never take up the Bible, or hear or think about it, without being filled with infidel thoughts and arguments; and when at God's house I could only sit and deny in my own mind what I had heard; and for weeks I had to go to the Sunday-school to teach the children, filled with infidel thoughts and ideas: but I told them the same things that I did before, although in reality I could not believe them. I used to take the Bible and teach the children from it, although I could not believe there was any Spirit's work, nor heaven, nor hell, nor Satan; and sometimes ignorant enough to question whether there were any God; when before them I felt it was all rubbish, and yet I would tell them about these things, because they were in that book. Wonderful to relate, although in that state of darkness I felt I dare not leave the school or —; and during all this time I could not give up prayer, although Ï believed it to be useless, and oft-times I seemed to have a sweetness and power in prayer, and enjoyed communion with God; but as soon as it was over I was again filled with infidel thoughts, and believed it all natural. Every day it seemed to be worse and worse; and the more I tried to drive it from me, the more was I tempted, until at last I felt if there were any devil, he had me in his hands to do as he liked with me. Several times, when I felt determined to give all up, I was led to read Hart's experience; and I thought, here was one who once believed these things, and departed from them, and yet was obliged after ten years' learning and study to return and say they were right; and I thought, suppose I should after giving it up be brought like him to return and go with broken bones all my days. This seemed for a time to be like a cord bound so tight around me, that I could not get loose; but at last I got over this, and became hardened against these warning voices, and thought I would not be so weak as to give way to them: then I gave up reading the Bible, then attending then prayer, for the first time during six years, which seemed to be the last step. Then all seemed gone; there seemed no barrier left, no restraint, and I felt as though I could do and say anything, that I could even defy God, and all with whom I came in contact. But during the five weeks I was away from - —, I still attended the school; but this was the next step, and I made an arrangement with the minister to see him on the Friday evening, in order to speak to him about it; and had I gone that evening I should have argued with him, and told him I disbelieved all he said. But in the all-wise providence of God, it was put off till the following week; and before I went on the following week, God in His goodness and mercy had wrought a great deliverance, and brought me from a lion to a lamb, and made me feel like a little child sitting at the feet of Jesus, clothed and in my right mind. "Dear friend, I now have to speak of the way in which God worked. The Sunday following the Friday evening that I was to see Mr. —, I was sitting at breakfast, with the very spirit of Satan, as it were, thinking over in my mind the questions I intended to ask him, and the way I should meet |
