1 10. These are but a very few of the innumerable Evils that cleaved to me in this finful Period of my Life, For who can understand his Errors? This Period was Pl. 19:12. altogether finful and vain; Nay, Sin and Vanity in the Abstract. Childhood is Vanity. And all this is deeply Eccl. 11 aggravated by my ftupid Inconcernednefs about them all 10. the while. Notwithstanding of them all, I was clean in Prov: 30. mine own eyes, though not washed from my Pollutions, in the 12. Puddle whereof I had long wallowed. I was whole as to my own Senfe, though the Plague Sore run upon me. While I thought I stood in need of nothing, I was Rev. 3.17. poor, miferable, wretched, blind and naked. How canft thou fay, I am not polluted, I have not gone after Baalim? See thy Way in the Valley, know what thou haft done, &c: I have not found it by fecret Search, but upon all thefe. Yet thou fayeft, Becaufe I am innocent, furely his Anger fball turn from me. Behold, I will plead with thee, becaufe thou fayeft, I have not finned. I. Reflections on this firft Periods 7Hen I confider,how many Sins long fince done WH Jer. 2.23, 34 than any Thing else I remember, and in their Commiffion attended with no fuch remarkable Circumftances, as can rationally be fuppofed to have made any deep Impreffion on the Memory, and fo have any Influence in their Recovery, after fo long Oblivion, were now by the LORD brought to Mind with unusual Diftinctness. I cannot but herein observe, 1. What exact Notice the holy GOD takes, and how deeply he refents those Things, which Men, generally, will fcarce allow to be Faults, or at moft but mean ones, pardonbale Fol lies rather than Sins. GOD early obferved, That Man's Imaginations are evil from his Youth, and will have us mind, and be humbled for the Sins that have cleaved to us from our Youth. This hath been thy Manner Jer: 222 from thy Youth, that thou obeyedft not my Voice, is an 21. Aggravation of other Sins he charges on his People, and in it felf one heavy Article. 2. How much Reafon is there for reckoning it up as one great Part of the Wickeds Mifery, that they ly down in their Graves Job 20.11. with Bones full of the Sins of Youth? How much Reafon is there for David's Prayer, That GOD may not remember Pfal.25.7. against him the Sins of his Youth? How juft Reafon have we oft, with Job, to fufpect that in the Strokes Fob 13.16. that fall on us in riper Years, GOD is making us to poffefs the Iniquities of our Youth? How much Reason Aug. conf. have we with holy Auguftin, to confels and mourn Lib. I. over the Sins of Child-hood, and trace original Corruption in its firft Out-breakings, even up to Infancy? 3.1 here obferve what an exact Regifter Confcience, GOD's Deputy, keeps; how early it begins to mark, how accurate it is, even when it feems to take no Notice, and to what a Length it will go in juftifying GOD's Severity againft Sinners at the laft Day; how diftinctly and clearly it will read it out, and how far up it will fetch its Accounts of thofe Evils which we mind nothing of, when GOD fhall open its Eyes to read what is written, and difcern thofe Prints, which, as Job fays, GOD fets upon the Heels of our Feet; and give ita Commiflion to tell us of them, when the Books fhall be opened, and the Dead fmall and great judged out of them. Fob 13.27. Rev. 20. 12. 2. When I review this firft Period of my Life, what Reafon do I fee to be ashamed and even confounded, to [think that I have spent ten Years of a fhort Life, without almoft a rational Thought, and undoubtedly any that Fer.1.19. was not finful. After that I was inftructed, Ifmote upon my Thigh: Iwas afhamed, yea, even confounded, because I did bear the Reproach of my Youth. 3. The whole of what I have fet down before, being Matter of undoubted Experience, of which I can no more doubt than of what I now fee and feel; I have herein a ftrong Confirmation of my Faith, as to the Guilt of Adam's Sin, its Imputation to his Pofterity, and of my Concernment therein in particular. For, 1. The Bent of my Soul from a Child, was fet againft the LORD Nor was this the Effect of Cuftom and Education; for there was a fweet Confpiracy of Precept, Difcipline and Example of thofe, with whom I converfed, during this firft Part of my Life, to carry me another Way. Nor can I charge the Fault of this on my Con titution of Body, or any fuch Thing, as might be alMledged. ledged to proceed from my Parents in a natural Way. For thofe Lufts which are of the Mind, and are not in: Eph. 2. 3. fluenced by any Conftitution of Body, were as strong, fenfible, active and prevalent as any other, nay, more than these which may be pretended to depend on the Frame of the Body. And as my Soul in its accursed Inclinations was thus oppofite to the LORD, so the Oppofition was of that Strength and Force, as was not to be fuppreffed, much lefs to be overcome and subdued by the utmoft Care of Parents, and the best outward Means. This is undoubted Fact. 2. I cannot at all conceive it confiftent with the Wisdom, Goodness or Equity of GOD, to fend me thus into the World, without any Fault on my Part. To fay, I was thus originally fram'd without Refpect to any Sin chargeable on me, is a Pofition fo full of flat Contrariety to all the Notions I can entertain of the Deity, that I cannot think of it without Horrour, much less can I believe and give Affent to it. 3. Penal then this Corruption must be, as Death and Diseases are. And whereof can it be z Punishment, if not of Adam's Sin? While thofe Things are fo plain in Fact, and the Deduction fo eafie from them; whatever fubtile Arguments any ufe to overthrow this Truth, I have no Reason to be much fhaken or moved with them, or call the Truth in Queftion. If once I am fure, that GOD has done a Thing, there is no Room left for difputing its Equity. 1 am fute, 1 was corrupt from my Infancy. I am fure,GOD could not have made me fo without Cause, or fent me into the World in fuch a Cafe, if it had not been for fome Fault wherein I am concerned. If there is any Attempt to charge GOD on this Score, I look upon it as highly injurious. There is no more left for me in this Cafe, but humbly to endeavour to clear GOD of any seeming Hardfhip. If we cannot eafily do this; then I will much rather own my Ignorance, and ftoop under his Incomprehenfibility, than lay any Charge of Injuftice againft him. This has ftaid my Soul againft the moft fubtile Arguings of Men of perverfe Minds, and even of Satan, who hath oft affaulted me in this Inftance. Be their Arguments what they will, Behold, in this they are not juft: Iwill answer thee, that Job 33. that GOD is greater than Man. Why doft thou strive 12,13, 175 against him? For he giveth not an Account of any of his Matters. That he may withdraw Man from this, among Mat. 21. 28, 31 other evil Purposes, of measuring GOD by his fhort Line, and hide Pride from his Eye 4. Hence alfo, I am taught what Estimate to make of the pretendedly good and virtuous Inclinations, wherewith fome are by Deifts and Pelagians alledged to be born. If it be not in these few and rare Inftances of the early Efficacy of fanctifying Grace, all that which is looked on as Good, is really no more but the Fruit of Education, Cuftom, occafional Reftraints, Freedom from Temptation, or perhaps, a natural Temper influenced by fome of those, and by the Conftitution of the Body to fomewhat of Oppofition to thofe groffer Actings of Sin, which make the moft Noife in the World. In a Word, whatever there is of this, fave in the rare Inftances before-mentioned, is but Sin under a Difguife. The Odds is not great. The one Sort of Sinners seem to promise good Fruit, but deceive: Whereas the openly profane give a plain Refufal, and forbid Expectations. And yet of this laft Sort moe receive the Gospel than of the former. But what think ye? A certain Man had two Sons, and he came to the firft, and faid, Son, go work to day in my Vineyard. He answered and faid, I will not: But afterward he repented, and went. And be came to the fecond, and Jaid likewife. And he answered and faid, I go, fir; and went not. Whether of them twain did the Will of his Father? They Jay unto him, The firft. Jefus faith unto them, Verily I fay unto you, that the Publicans and the Harlots go into the Kingdom of GOD before you. Containing an Account of the Rife, Progrefs, Interruptions, CHAP. do CHAP. I. Containing an Account of the first Rife of any Concern about Religion, its Refult, Revivals and other Occur rences thereto relating for the first two Years of this Time. 1. IN the Month of May 1685, y Mother being by the Heat of the Perfecution oblig'd to retire to his Holland, I went alongft with her. While we were at Sea, being in fome real or apprehended Danger, my Confcience which had for all the bygone ten Years, fo far as I can now remember, been faft afleep, began to awaken; I was challenged for Sin, terrified with the Apprehenfions of Hell and Death, and the Wrath of GOD, which I had no Thought about before I was brought to this Diftrefs; They have turned their Back Jer. 2. 27 unto me and not their Face: But in the Time of the they will fay, Arife, and fave us. 7 their 2 Trouble All this Concern was nothing more than a fad Mixture of natural Fear, and a felfish Defire of Preferevation from the Danger that was fuppofed imminent, at leaft by me. Peace, Acceptance, Communion with GOD came not much in my Thoughts. I was afraid and unwilling to die; I would gladly have been out of Danger of Hell. This was all my Exercife at this Time. It was not Sin, but Death its Confequence,I was concern'd to be rid of; Then Pharaoh called for Mofes and Aaron in bafte, and he faid, I have finned against the LORD your Exod. to GOD Now therefore I pray thee, forgive my Sin only 16 this once, and intreat the LORD your GOD, that he may take away from me this Death only. 3. As this Exercife was wholly felfifh, without any e Concern for the LORD's Glory, fo it led me to felfish Courses for Relief. I promifed, That were I at Land, I would live and be better than formerly; I engag'd to keep all GOD's Commands. My Mother told me, I was in a Miftake, and would not hold there. But there was no perfwading one fo ignorant of his own Heart, as I at this Time was, of this. I multiply'd Engagements, and doubted not my felf as to the Performance: And the B People |