28. Many other Things and Confiderations of an alike Nature, have been relieving; which, because they are too many and too long to be here narrated, I pals: Thefe mentioned may ferve for a Tafte.

29. I now come to give fome Account of my Relief from another Temptation, wherewith I have been continually exercifed from my Youth, and yet fometimes am am; and it refpects Death: I have above narrated what a continual Bondage I was in through Fears of Death, and how early thefe Fears began: I fhall now give fome Account of my Relief.

30. First, I found the LORD's Mercy manifefted in Chrift, free me from the Spirit of Bondage,and acquaint me in fome Measure with that Liberty, that is, The attendant of the Spirit of Adoption; and hereby all my Fears were much weakned.

31. Secondly, The LORD by that Difcovery he made of himfelf in Chrift, removed in a great Meafure the Grounds wherein I had heretofore feared Death moft, the Want of Evidence about the Reality of Things not feen, and S the Sting of Death; and hereon my Mind was much eafed, because I was now in fome Measure fecured againft both thefe Fears.

32. Thirdly, The ftrong Power of Sin that I found ftill remaining, and the Difturbance thence arifing, made Life not defirable; and a Profpect of Riddance by Death; and a more fatisfying Difcovery of the LORD made Death appear more defirable.

33. Fourthly, Whereas a natural Averfion to Death fill continued, and I found ftill fome Fear upon a clofs Profpect of it arifing in my Mind; I was much relieved by the Promife of the LORD's helping againft Temptation, and engaging for his People, that they fhould not be tempted above what they are able to bear: But that when the Trial comes, he will provide a Way of Efcape.

34.Fifthly, My Faith as to thisPromife,was often ftrengthe hed by former Experience; particularly, I remember one Day travelling from Edinburgh to Leith, and meditating upon Death, I was oppreffed with Fear, when the LORD merci fully fuggefted this fcriptural Thought,though not in Scripture Words, Have you not fhrinked formerly under the remote Profpect of other Trials? and have you not yet heer

carried

Part III. carried honourably and fafely through them? What Reafon have you to diftruft GOD as tó future Trials, who has given Grace formerly to help in Time of Need? This quietmy Mind at the Time.

ed

35. Sixthly, With Refpect to this, it has always been very fatisfying to confider, That it is no Way meet that God fhould give us Grace before Trials come, but that he fhould keep us humble and dependent by reserving that in his own Hand, and teach us to fubmit to his Judgment, as to the Measure and Time of performing his own Promises, and giving the neceffary Supplies of Grace.

36. Seventhly, Hereon my Soul is quieted under all my Fears of this Trial, in fome Measure of the Faith of this, That the LORD is a GOD of Judgment, and that they are all bleffed who wait on him in the Faith of his Promises, not doubting either of his Faithfulness as to the Accomplishment, or Judgment as to the right timing and measuring them in Proportion to our Trials and Neceffities.

37. Eighthly, The LORD has oft given me, when clouded by this Fear, a fweet Discovery of the Beauty of this Difpofal, that we have Promifes to live upon, till the Trials come, and that when they come, we fhall then get Accomplishments to live on: In the Mount of the LORD it shall be feen..

Finally, The Experiences of the LORD's Faithfulnes recorded in Hiftory, and learned by Report, or by my own Obfervation, did oft help to ftrengthen my Faith of this; and here I reft to this Day. I dare not fay, I am ready to die; I dare not fay,I have Faith or Grace fufficient to carry me through Death; I dare not fay, That I have no Fears of Death; but this I fay, There is Grace enough for helping me, laid up in the Promife, there is a Throne of Grace to which in our Straits we may have Recourfe: He is a GOD of Judgment, who has the Difpofal, and who will not withhold it when it is really the Time of need.

PART

Containing fome Account of his Ordination unto the holy Miniftery, and his Conduct therein.

WH

CHAP. I.

Of his being licensed to preach the Gospel.

7Hen I was under the violentStrugglings related in the Account of the fecond Part of my Life, I had laid by all Thoughts of the Work of the Miniftery. It was like Hell once, to entertain a Thought of preaching to others, what I did not believe my felf: But now Things began to alter, and the LORD led me on to that which I declin'd before: And I find the Steps of his Providence about me in this Matter, do deferve to be remembred by me. r. My Mother did devote me from my Childhood to this Work, and oft exprefs'd her Defire to lend me to the LORD all the Days of my Life,to ferve him in the Gofpel of his Son: This has oft had its own Weight on my Spirit. 2. The Course of my Studies had look'd that Way; my Education pointed towards that Work; which providential Determination of my Studies, though I had no great Regard to it at fometimes; yet on other Occafions it had fome Weight on my Spirit, that I durft not rafhly turn my Thoughts another Way. 3. The LORD forcibly, by his Providence, did break my Defign of following the Study of Philofophy, by the foregoing Exercife, of which I have given an Account, brought my Mind to acquiefce in this Difpenfation, and made Philofophy comparatively diftafteful, and it was upon the ferious Review of the Temptations moving me to incline that Way, made extremely unfavoury. 4. The LORD having thus loos'd my Heart from that Study, that for a while did rival it with the Study of Divinity; he did alfo, by the foregoing Iffue of my dark Exercife, remove and take away the principal Stumbling-blocks, and make the Way ftraight. 5. He further, by the Difcovery of his Glory in the Face of CHRIST, engag'd my Heart to, and endear'd to my Soul the Knowledge of CHRIST, and him crucified. 6. He brought me

I 3

under

रे

Part IV. under a lively Senfe of that forcible Ty that was hereon laid on me, to lay out my felf in any Way that he should, call me to be ferviceable to him, and I was made to think, That I fhould be the more happy, the more directly my Work thould look that Way. 7. While, like Peter, I was mufing fometimes on thefe Things, about the Month of April or May 1698, two Minifters were fent, to my great Surprize, from the Prefbytery of Kirkaldie, urging me to enter on Trials: I did altogether decline the Propofal, becaufe I had no Reading, wanted the Languages, and had been much diverted from Study, particularly by the foregoing Exercife, which had fill'd my Thoughts for near a Year and an Half, and it was not then two Years fince I cante from the College. In a Word, I did answer, I am a Child, and cannot fpeak, Fer. 1. 6. And here I ftuck furpriz'd and toffed with Thoughts what this might mean, and whence it was, for I had fcarce ever look'd near the Prefbytery. They prefcrib'd John 1. 12. for a Text, and left me to confider of it. 8. I found my Averfion ftrong to enter fo foon at leaft on Trials; but ftill it had fome Weight on my Spirit, and I did think further of it, and found that the LORD's Dealings with me of late in the great Variety of Trials, cafting me down, and raifing me up again and again, look'd at a Preparation for comforting others with the Confolations wherewith I had been comforted, and fympathizing with them, as having had Experience of a great Variety of Temptations, and I found that by thefe,my little Knowledge of the Myftery of the Gofpel received fome Improvement. 9. The Minifters continued to follicite me, and prefs home their Defire; but while I ftood out againft their Sollicitations, though not without fome fecret Struggle and Doubting, whether in fo doing I might not be declining Duty, I began to obferve the LORD raifing a Storm againft me: I began to fee the Snares of the Station I was in, the Advantages my Corruptions had by it againft me; and in a Word, the LORD made it out to me, That I behooved to change my Station; but I was not hereby clear'd to comply with their Defire,yet I durft not flatly decline it. About this I was much tofs'd, May 20, 1698. The LORD was taking away fome that had been moft helpful and encouraging, my inward Perplexities grew, and I was not like to have Peace in my own Mind, 10. While I was in this Cafe, Mr. Rid

del

del did May 30, come to the Wemyss, and after much Converfe, and many Reafonings, charged me to try, and have my Thoughts on my Text, and then do, or ftand off, as -the LORD fhould clear Duty, which I did confent to. 11. But after this I ftill did fhift and decline, and could not think of a Compliance; and then December 28. Provoft Ramfay wrote earneftly, defiring me to take the Charge of my Lord Maitland. This put me to a Stand a little, and I was inclin'd to embrace it at firft; but on further Confideration I was fully clear'd to reject that Motion, and fo I remain'd in my former Strait, crying to the LORD frequently, that he might difcover Duty. I was fully satisfied that 1 behoov'd not to ftay there, but yet was averse from the Miniftery, at leaft fo foon. But that which had well nigh turn'd me quite off, was an Exprefs from my Friend and my Father's, the worthy Mr. James Duncan, urging me in the moft preffing Terms to take the Charge of my Lord Duplin's Children, offering what Encouragement I pleas'd; my Father's deep Obligation to that Family, and feveral other Things, carried my Inclination ftrongly toward at Compliance: But having at Mr. Forrefter's earneft Defire, undertaken a Homily in the new College, which I was to deliver next Week, I took Time to confider of it; and after that I had on February 28, 1699, delivered my Difcourfe on Fob 28. 28. I went to vifit my Acquaintance worthy Mr. Shiels, who did urge me to enter on Trials, with that Gravity and Concern, that had inore Weight on my Spirit, than all that had been fpoken to me. Upon this, and other Things that offered themfelves to View, I was fully fatisfy'd it was Duty to lay afide Thoughts of Mr. Duncan's Propofal. 12. The Prefbytery of Kirkaldie March 16,Anno 1699, urged me to try a common Head, and if I was not after that clear to proceed, promis'd to leave me to my Choice; whereupon I confented, and delivered it April 20, when accepted of a Text, and they offered me Pfal. 119. 9. which I delivered May 10, and afterward the Exercise and Addition which I delivered before the Synod that met about Mr. Inglis's Affair May 23, and thereon took a popular Sermon, being not a little encouraged by Mr. Shiels, who spoke again ferioufly to me after Sermon and Exercife, which was on Rom. 8. 36. My popular Sermon on Pfal. 73. 24. which I delivered on June 22. and was licenfed then, after I had gone