PART III:

Containing an Account of the Progress of the LORD's Work for the Space of about three Years enfuing, from Auguft 1696, to June 1699; The dreadful Strait as at laft brought to, with my Outgate, and the State of Matters with me for fome Time after this,

CHAP. Í

Giving an Account of the Progress of my Convictions, Temp tations, and vain Reliefs, from the Time I went to the Wemyss,till I was at last brought to the utmost Extremity.

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Wing tickled with it, and fomewhat puffed up

Hen I had ftudied Philofophy three Years, be

with what Progrefs I had made, and defign'd and expećted to make. (Though I muft own, that ftill as Knowledge increas'd, Self-conceit decreaf'd; and I apprehended, I knew more the firft Year than ever thought I knew afterwards) Being thus prepar'd, I defign'd to go abroad, and improve my felf further, to which alfo I was advised; but two Things broke this Project, my Mother would not confent; and the former Exercise having brought me into Bondage through Fear of Death, I was afraid to run the Hazards I muft run of my Life, fo long as I was in fo unfettled a Cafe as to thy Soul's State: Wherefore upon the Motion of fome Friends, I confented rather to engage Chaplain to a Family for fome Time.

2ly, Accordingly, August 1696, I went to the Wemys When I came here, a Stranger amongft Strangers and Perfons of confiderable Quality, by my natural Bathtfulness, the Cenforiousness of my Auditors, the Publickmels of the Appearances I was oblig'd to make, to which formerly I had not been accuftom'd, my Want of Breeding, and the like, I was, for a Time, in a very &great Strait, forc'd to Retiredness, and to petition for Help how to carry: And though it was my own, not

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the

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Job 38.

Pfal. 147.

9.

Kings

21. 20 Jonah 3.

10.

the LORD's Honour I defign'd, and was concern'd for, yet he that hears the Cry of the Ravens, and would not overlook Ahab's Humiliation, and the Ninevités Repentance, did not fail me in my Straits, but helped,fo far as was neceffary, to maintain the Refpect due to the Sta tion I was in, and to obtain Kindness.

3ly, During the firft half Year or fo, that I was here, I was fomewhat diverted from my main Work, being oblig'd to ftudy what was neceffary for my Accomplish ment for Converfe in the World. But ftill I held on, and the more Difficulty I'met with, I kept the cloffer to the Form of Religion I had taken up. Befides, now my Station call'd and obliged me to fomewhat more But leaving this, which is only introductory, I proceed to that which is mainly and only defign'd in this Nar rative.

4ly, I had not been long here,when I was often_neceffarly, and frequently without fufficient Neceffity, engag'd in Debates about the Truth of Religion, the Divinity of the Scriptures, and the moft important Doctrines delivered in them, whereby I was drawn to read the Writings of Deifts, and other Enemies to Re ligion, that I might be acquaint with the Arguments, whereby these I fometimes had Occafion to difpute with, oppofed the Truth. As to the Iffue of thofe Arguings with Refpect to others, I fhall here wave it, becaule others are concern'd in it; only I may fay, I found it true, That foolish Questions, and Genealogies, and Conten tions, and Strivings about the Law, are unprofitable, and vain. For evil Men and Seducers wax worfe and worfe deceiving and being deceived. And profane and vain Bab lings do increafe unto more ungodliness. And to my fad Experience I found, That their Word doth eat, as dot a Canker, or Gangrene. It is of an infectious and contagious Nature. And therefore it's fafeft to fhu avoid then, and follow the wife Man's Advice, T forfake the foolish and live; and depart from a foolish M Prov.9.6 when we perceive not in him the Lips of Knowledge and Pro.14.7 ceafe from the Inftruction that causes to err from the Wor Prov. 19 of Knowledge.

Tit. 3. 9. 2 Tim. 3. 13.

2 Tim. 2. 16.7

2 Tim. 2.

17.

27.

sly, This was of very dangerous Confequence to me and could not prove otherwile to one in my Cafe, For

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1. I was not rooted and grounded in the Truth, being Eph.3.17. neither notionally inftructed in the Grounds whereon Col. 2. 7. the Scripture is received, nor acquainted practically with its Power, and fo was naked of that armour of light that Rom. 13. is neceffary toward a Conflict with fuch Enemies. 2, The power of that Enmity and Darkness which incline the vain Colt. 13. Mind of Man to reject and carp at the Truths of GOD Eph.4.17. as foolishness, ftill remained unfubdued; and fo I was as I Cor. 2. the Children who are toßed to and fro by every wind of 14. doctrine. 3. The Objections I found ftatted were many, 1 John 2: ftruck at the Foundations, were new and furprizing to 9. one who was fo unfettled, and were drefs'd up by the Eph.4.14. flight and cunning craftiness of them who ly in wait to Eph.4.14. deceive. 4. I was not acquaint with that Watchfulness, Vigilance, and humble Sobriety, that was neceffary to prevent Satan's gaining any Advantage. 5. Hereon Satan finding fo fair an Occafion, flipt it not; for he goes about feeking fuch Seafons; and finding Things I Pet. 5. 8. thus, he improved it to my great Difquietment.

6ly, The Adverfary finding all Things thus prepar'd, fet on me furiously, and imploy'd many againft me. 1. He wrought up the natural Atheism, Darknefs, and Enmity of my Heart, to vent it felf against the Truths. of Religion, in foolish Enquiries, Is it fo? How can thefe Pfal. 73. things be? and what Authority haft thou, fince thou It. requireft fuch Things? 2. He imploy'd fome who had Joh. 3. 9. all Advantages, and were the moft likely to prevail, Mat. 11. Perfons [mooth, fober, and who oppofed the Truth with 28. rational Arguments; fuch fometimes the Devil makes.

ufe of, who feem themfelves not far from the kingdom of Mark 12. GOD, like the Scribe who answered and queftion'd our 34. LORD civilly,whole words are fmoother than butter, while Plal 55. war is in their heart. And these

valent; for with their fair peeches ufually more pre- 21.

16.

they the of the fimple. 3. He himself acted fometimes the fubtile 18. Serpent, putting and fuggefting fubtile Queries, Hath GOD faid Jo? And fometimes he threw in fiery Darts Gen. 3. 1. to inflame and diforder me. Thus I found when I was Eph.6.11, alone, when I was in Prayer and moft ferious, hellish 12, 16. Oaths, and grievous blafphemous Suggeftions caft forcibly into my Mind, which made me tremble. No Wonder he fhould deal fo with me, when he impudently

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John 14.

dently fuggefted to him in whom he had nothing, fuch blafphemous Proposals, as that of falling down to worMat: 4.9. hip him.

0.

Pfal. 42.

2. IO.

2.13.

John 6.

30.

[b. 10.24.

7ly, By all thefe Ways he affaulted me, and I was grievously tols'd about all the Truths of Religion. f. The Being of GOD was again brought in Queftion: The Enemy faid daily, Where is thy GOD? and the Atheism of my Heart faid alfo, There is no. God; And who is Pfal. 14.1. the LORD ? 2. I was affaulted about his Providence, Exod. 5.2:"and all the Disorders of the World were urged to my Pfal. 73. great Disturbance. As for me, my Feet were almoft gone: my Steps had well nigh flipt. The ungodly profper in the World, they increase in Riches, and therefore his People return hither, waters of a full Cup are wrung out to them: And they Jay, How doth God know? and is there Knowledge in the mo High 3. I was affaulted as to the Truth of the Word, and many Ways troubled about it; when I read, when I thought about it, I was ply'd hard with griev ous Suggeftions fometimes: The Want of fufficient Evidence was complain'd of; What Sign fhewest thou then, that we may fee and believe thee? What doft thou work? At other Times it was blam'd, one while, of Obfcurity, How long dost thou make us doubt if thou be the Chrift tell us plainly. And anon another Suggestion was clapt in againft fome Paffages as hard; this is a hard Saying, who can hear it? When this took not, it was accufed in fome Places of plain Blafphemy, He hath Spoken Blafphemy, Ye have heard his Blafphemy. It was blam'd as contradictory to it felf. We have heard out of the Law, that Christ abideth for ever; and how fayeft thou, The Son of Man muft be lift up? Its Promiles were call'd in Quetion, Where is the Promife of his coming? As were allo its Threats; every Vifion faileth, Behold they say unto me, Where is the Word of the LORD? let it come now. Thus was I daily perplexed, in fo much that it was a Terror fometimes for Fear of thefe Suggeftions to look into the Bible. 4. The Myftery of the Gofpel was par ticularly fet upon, and reprefented as Foolishness, as fetting up new Gods,and oft was I put to anfwer, How can John 3:9. thefe Things be?

b. 6. 6.

Mat: 26: 5.

John 12.

34.

2 Pet. 3.4 Jer. 17.15 Ezek. 12.

22.

1 Cor. 1.

23.

Acts 17.

18.

8ly The fubtile Enemy who had often follicited me to high Thoughts of my felf, now when he found it for his Purpose, urged upon me mean Thoughts of my self,

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and prefs'd to a Baftard Sort of Humility: He often whispered me in the Ear, 'Tis vain for you to expect to rid your felf of thefe Difficulties, when fo many learnedMen, who have ftudied the Point with fo much Care, and who were far more capable to difcern the Truth, cannot reach Satisfaction, but have rejected them; John 7. 48, 49. Have any of the Rulers or the Pharifees believed on him? But this People who knoweth not the Law, are curfed. 9ly, By this I was brought into grievous Perplexity and many fad Toflings. My tears have been my Meat day Pfal.42.3. and Night while they continually fay unto me, Where is thy GOD? But ftill I tried wrong Courses, 1. I attempted

by my own Reafonings to relieve my felf. I thought to Pfal. 73.6. know this. 2. When this fail'd, I bought, I read, Books written about the Truth of Religion: This indeed, had Job 8. 8, it been kept in its own Place, was allowable and ufe- 9, &'c. ful: But I expected more than I had Reafon to look Eccl. 12. for, and as I used it, this was only the Fruit of Unbe- 12. lief, and a vain Course running to Albur, fending to Egypt. 3. I wifh'd for Visions, Voices, or fome Extraordinary Course: Nay, but if one rife from the Dead they Luke 16. will believe. 4. When thefe fail'd, with the Sluggard 30. I fat down difcouraged. The Fool foldeth his Hands to- Eccl. 4.5. gether, and eateth his own Flesh. 5. Ifómetimes betook

my felf to Prayer; but herein I defiderated Succefs, not Ja. 4. 3. feeking in the right Way, nor to right Ends.

Eccl. 7.

23, 24.

Ioly, But all thefe Ways fail'd me, I took counfel in my Soul, having Sorrow in my Heart daily I faid, I will be wife, but it was far from me. That which is far off and exceeding deep, who can find it out? 1. As to my own Reafonings, they avail'd not againft him who efteems iron as Straw, and Brafs as rotten wood. When I thought Plal: 73. to know it, it was too painful: It was Labour in mine 16, Eyes. 2. As for Books, befides that they fatisfied not as to these Things they mention'd, many of my Scruples were fuch as were overlook'd by them, fo they prov'd Phyficians of no Value. How profitable are right Words! Job 6. 25: but what doth your arguing reprove? 3. As to extraordinary Expectations, GOD juftly rejected them, They have Luke 16. Mofes & the Prophets;& if they will not believe them neither 31. would they believe though one fhould rife from the Dead. 4. My Sloth fill increas'd my Trouble; that foolish

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