Prov. 27. 19. Fob 14. 4. own Heart, Satan and the World; but also to prefent the Work in its Order and Iffue, it may be of great Ufe to my own Establishment, and if ever it fhould fall in the Hands of any other Chriftian, it might be not unufeful, confidering, that the Work of the LORD in all is, as to the Subftance, the fame and uniform ; and as Face anfwers to Face in a Glafs, fo does one Chriftian's Experience anfwer another's, and both to the Word. This being the Defign of this Narrative, to give fome Account of the LORD's Work with me, and my Way with him, in fo far as I remember it from my Birth to this Day, I fhall proceed to it. PART I. Narrating the State of Matters with me from the Time of my Birth, till I was about Ten Years of Age, or there by. Came into the World, not only under the Guilt of I Rom.5.19.1 that Offence, whereby many, nay all were made Sinners, and on the Account whereof Fudgment paßed upon all Men to Condemnation: But moreover, I brought with me a Nature wholly corrupted, a Heart wholly fet in me to do Evil. This the Teftimony of GOD in the Word latisfies me of. And herein I am ftrongly confirmed by undoubted Experience, that fully convince h me, That from the Morning of my Days, while under the Advantage of Gofpel Light, the Infpection of godly Parents, and not yet corrupted by Cuftom, the Imagi nations of my Heart, and the Tenor of my Life, were evil, only evil, and continually fo. Gen. 6. 5. 8. 21. 2. It cannot be expected, that at fo great a Diftance, I fhould remember the Particulars of that firft Three or Four Years of my Life: Yet I may on the jufteft Grounds prefume, That they were filled up with thofe Sins that cleave to Children in their Infancy. Many of which are not only evil, as they flow from a poisoned Root; Mat.7.17. for an evil Tree will bring forth corrupt Fruit: But do alfo bear the Imprefs of, and an evident Congruity to their corrupted Source, and tafte ftrong of that Root of Bitternels whereon they grow. While we are yet on the the Breafts, inbred Corruption breaks forth, and before we give any tolerable Evidence that we are rational, we give full Evidence that we are corrupted. We thew that we are inclined to Evil by preffing with Impatience Pfal.8.3 and Eagerness for what is hurtful; and our Averfion to Good, by refufing with the greatest Obftinacy what is fit, proper and useful to us. At first we are only employed about fenfible Things, and about them we give the firft Evidences that our Natures are corrupt, And with the firft Appearances of Reafon, the Corrup tion of our Spirit difcovers it felf. How early do our A&tings discover Paffion, Pride, Revenge, Diffimulation and Senfuality to be inlaid, as it were, in our very Conftitution? Any ordinary Obferver may difcern Inftances innumerable of this Sort, very early in Children, With these and the like Evils, no Doubt, were the firft Years of my Life, whereof I remember little, filled up; Folly is bound up in the Heart of a Child, and we go afide Prov.22.5. aßoon as born, fpeaking Lies. Pfal. 58.3. 3. In this firft Period of my Life, I had Advantages above moft. My Parents were eminently Religious, I was trained up under their Eyes and Infpection, for moft Part. I continually heard the Sound of divine Truths ringing in my Ears, in their Inftructions; and I had the Beauty of the Practice of Religion continually reprefented to mine Eyes in their Walk. I was by their Care kept from ill Company that might infect me. By thefe Means, I was reftrained from thofe groffer Outbreakings that Children oft run into, and habituate to a Form of Religion, and put upon the performing of fuch outward Duties of Religion, as my Years were capable of. Hence it appears, That the Sin, I now am fully convinced, that I wallowed in, during this Tract of Time, is not to be imputed, either as to Inclination, or Actings, meerly to contracted Cuftom, or occafional Temptations: But it really was the genuine Fruit and Refult of that lamentable Byas Man fince the Fall is born with. Sure the Spring muft be within, when notwithstanding all the Care taken to keep me from them, I impetuoufly went on in finful Courses. The Holy GOD hedged up my Way by Precepts, Example, Difcipline But I broke through all. Sure the Spring muft be within. And fure it must be very ftrong *Fences, that was able to bear down fuch powerful Mounds as were fet in its Way, by the Providence of GOD, and run with fo full a Stream, notwithstanding all outward Occafions of its Increase were cut off, as much as might be. Herein I have a full Evidence of a Heart naturally eftranged froni, nay oppofite to the LORD. And befides, this deeply aggravates my Guilt. And they have turned unto me the Back and not the Face, though I taught them, rifing up early and teaching them, yet they have not hearkned to receive Inftruction, Jer. 32. 33. 4. The Care of my Father during his Life, which ended October 1682, and of my Mother after his Death, tho' very great, did not change, but only hid Nature, which is indeed often hidden, fometimes overcome, feldom extinguished. Albeit I cannot remember all the Particulars from the 4th or 5th Year of my Life,yet fo far do I remember what the general Bent of my Heart was from that Time. Upon a Review, I muft confefs that 8. 7. it was wholly fet againft the LORD. The carnal Mind is Enmity against God, is not fubject to the Law of God, nor can it indeed be. 5. To confirm this, when I now furvey the Decalogue, and review this Portion of my Time, notwithstanding of the great Diftance, I do diftinctly remember, and were it to Edification, could condefcend upon particular Inftances of the Oppofition of my Heart unto each of its Precepts. Whatever Influence Education may have in moulding what is feen, yet furely, the Imaginations Gen.8.zi. of Man's Heart are evil from his Youth up. 6. True it is, through the Influence of the Means before mentioned, I did all this While abominate the more grofs Breaches of all the Commands, and dislike open Sin. But mean While my Heart was fet upon the lefs difcernible Violations of the fame holy Law. My Quarrel was not with Sin, but the Confequences of it, and the main Thing I regarded was the World's Opinion of it. Fear of Punishment, Pride that fears to be ill thought of, or at beft, a natural Confcience enlightned by Education, were the only Springs of any Perfor mances of Duty, or Abftinence from Sin. Prone I was all this while to Sin, even of all Sorts, which that Age is carried into, in fecret, when I could fay, That no Eye Job 24.15, fhall fee me. They who for Credit, or other fuch Ina ducements, may feem averfe to Sin, yet will make bold a in the Dark with the worft Sins; -Son of Man, hast thou feen what the Ancients of the Houfe of Ifrael do in the Dark, every Man in the Chambers of his Imagery? For they fay, The LORD feeth us not, the LORD hath forfaken the Earth, Ezek. 8. 12. des the 7. Even thofe Things, which, in my Way feem'd good and promifing, fuch as Deteftation of grofs Sins, Performance of Duties, &c. were, either purely the Effects of a forcible Cuftom, a Bribe to a natural Confcience to hold its Peace, a Sacrifice to Self, a flavish Performance of what I took no Delight in to avoid the Whip, or fometimes a Charn to keep me from Danger, which I thought would befal me, and dreaded much if I neglected Prayer. Thus iny beft Things dreadfully increafed my Guilt, being like the Apples of Sodom, fair to look at, promifing while untried, but within full of Afhes and noifom Matter. When ye fafted and mourn Zech; 73 ed in the fifth and feventh Months, even thefe feventy Years, did ye at all faft unto me? And when did eat, ye ye did drink, did ye not eat for your felves? Bring no more vain Oblations, Incenfe is an Abomination to me, the New- Ilai: 1:13 moons and Sabbaths, the calling of Affemblies I cannot away with, it is Iniquity, even the folemn Meeting. and when 8. Thus the Spring of Corruption damm'd in on the one Side, I mean as to open Profanity, by the Mounds of Education, breaks out on the other Side, in a Form of Religion, without, nay plainly oppofite to the 5, 5. 6. 5 Power ofit, which is no lefs hateful to the holy GOD: 2 Tim: 31 The Prayer of the wicked is Sin, his Sacrifice an Abominati on. Sin in the one Cafe has a little Varnish that hides Prov: 21. its Deformity fomewhat from the Eyes of Men; in the 27. 15: 8. other it is feen in its native Hew and Colours. In the 21. 4. one Cafe, it runs under Ground; in the other it openly follows its Courfe. Some Mens Sins are open before 1 Tim: 5 band, going before them into Judgment, and others follow 24. after. Whether the one or the other, the odds is not great. The Tree is known by its Fruit. A corrupt Tree Mat: 12 cannot bring forth good Fruit. Sometimes it may bring 33. forth good-like Fruit. 9. But yet, after all, I muft confefs that fuch was the Strength Strength of Corruption, that it drove me to feveral of the more plain and grofs Sins incident to this Age: Which though fome account pardonable Follies in Children, yet the Lord makes another Reckoning of them, and fundry of them have been made bitter to me, fuch as lying to avoid Punifhment, Sabbath-breaking, Revenge, Hatred of my Reprovers, and others of an alike Nature, Some particular Sins committed in Child hood, which I had quite forgot, as being attended with no notable Circumftances, that could make them Rick, rather than other Things, and being of an older Date than any Thing else I can remember, were brought fresh to my Remembrance, when the LORD began clofly to convince of Sin, and being prefented in their native Colours, in the Light of the LORD, and in all the Circumftances of Time, Place, Partners in Sin, &c, and were made the Matter of my deep Humiliation, Loathing & Self-abhorrence, as not only full of Wicked. nefs in themselves, but pregnant Evidences of the deepeft natural Depravity. Which made me fee to whom it was owing, that I went not to all the Heights in Wickedness, and the groffeft Abominations that ever any were carried to, and which a haughty Heart, if not reftrained feafonably, partly by fecret Power, and partly by outward Means, would inevitably have carried me to. Prov. 22. Folly is bound up in the Heart of a Child, deeply rooted and faltned there. And no Thanks to the beft, that they are kept from the worft Things, And David faid to Abigail, Bleffed be the LORD GOD of Ifrael, which fent thee this Day to meet me, and bleẞed be thy Advice, and bleffed be thou, which hast kept me this Day from coming to bed Blood, and from avenging my felf with mine own Hand. For in very deed, as the LORD GOD of Ifrael livetb, 1 Sam. 25. which hath kept me back from hurting thee, except thou haift basted and come to meet me, furely there had not been left unto Nabal by the Morning-light any that piffeth againft the Wall. What a Monfter had I been, if left to my felf, and not feasonably reftrained by outward Means, and inward Power! Bleffed be the invifible Hand, and the outward Inftruments of this Reftraint, that kept me back from finning. 32. 10. These |